So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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