No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
