is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
