I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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