Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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