Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
