think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
