I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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