remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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