I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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