Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
