Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
