Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
