Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
not ubering you a puppy
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Randomize
