I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
