And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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