worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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