it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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