real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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