the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
