I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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