Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
