Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
