I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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