OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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