Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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