he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
