I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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