think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
