Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
