I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
