Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
