Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
