He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
