Moan for me like Helen Keller
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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