oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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