Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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