Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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