Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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