I am in a vortex of obligation.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
