Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
