We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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