Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Randomize
