i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
That accounts for only three of the penises
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
