Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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