Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
