I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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