Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
