i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
