At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
