I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
