there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize