I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
