I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
