i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
