I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
